It was 16 years ago, but I can still picture the face of the woman sitting at the table. I was a new therapist at a treatment center for eating disorders when I saw her. She was in her mid 30’s, but her face looked much older, and her frame so frail that I imagined if someone were to hug her, she might disintegrate.
When counseling severe eating disorders, you try and make sense of behaviors that seem implausible. Yet, when you dive beneath the surface, anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating are only acute examples of eating issues experienced by millions of men and women every day.
What motivates someone to restrict calories or binge and purge repeatedly? What leads to yo-yo dieting and negative body image? Over the past 16 years, as I’ve sought to understand eating disorders, one tool that has been helpful to me is the Enneagram.
Before we discuss the Enneagram, I should point out there are many contributing factors to the development of an eating disorder, including genetics, trauma, neurobiology, temperament, family dynamics, and societal pressures. Because eating disorders are life-threatening issues, if you are struggling, you should contact an experienced professional for help.
Eating Problems
But what about those eating problems that are not “diagnosable?” Nearly 75% of women between the age of 25 and 45 eat, think, and behave abnormally around food. Many, many men have problematic relationships with food as well. These behaviors might include:
- self-esteem based primarily on body shape or weight
- excessive exercise
- compulsive eating
- obsessive calorie counting
- yo-yo dieting
- unrelenting guilt for eating sweets
- skipping a meal because you had dessert last night
How do we make sense of this? What might be driving these behaviors? Keeping in mind that research continues to shed new light on the neuroscience of eating disorders, it is still helpful to understand the psychological and emotional aspects of food behaviors. That is why we use therapeutic approaches such as Schema Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy to treat eating issues. Keeping this in mind, let’s use the lens of the Enneagram to understand some of these behaviors.
What is the Enneagram?
For those unfamiliar with it, the Enneagram is a personality system that helps individuals recognize patterns, motivations, and attitudes which drive our thoughts and actions. Ennea is Latin for 9, and gram simply means drawing or diagram. The Enneagram identifies nine primary “ways of living” or personality types. Each of these types is typically referred to by its number. Below are the names of the nine types commonly used:
- Moral Perfectionist
- Supportive Advisor
- Successful Achiever
- Romantic Individualist
- Investigative Thinker
- Loyal Guardian
- Entertaining Optimist
- Protective Challenger
- Peaceful Mediator
These are broad descriptors of nine basic types. None of the nine types are inherently good or bad. Each has its strengths and weaknesses. The more you investigate the Enneagram, the more nuances and distinctions you will learn. Those differences are beyond the scope of this article.
The real power of the Enneagram comes not in describing what people do, but in revealing why we think and act the way we do. These are what Enneagram coach Beth McCord calls Core Motivations. For each type she describes:
- Core Fears
- Core Desires
- Core Weakness
- Core Longing
For our purposes, let’s dive deeper into two of the types and see how they might help us understand problem eating behaviors.
Moral Perfectionism and Food
Type One is called the Moral Perfectionist. Unfortunately, this label conjures up images of a self-righteous rule keeper or an unrelenting perfectionist. That would describe an unhealthy Type One. Maturing Ones bring a lot of good into the world. Beth McCord describes this type as, “conscientious, sensible, ethical, responsible, idealistic, serious, self- disciplined, orderly, and feel personally obligated to improve themselves and their world.”
These individuals help us stay on track, reach our goals, and bring order to the world. I’m really grateful for Ones, particularly because I’m married to one (who happens to be a professional organizer – big surprise)! Let’s take a look at the Core Motivations of Type One.
Core Fear – Being wrong, bad, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible.
Core Desire – Having integrity, being good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right.
Core Weakness – Resentment: Repressing anger that leads to continual frustration and dissatisfaction with yourself, others, and the world for not being perfect.
Core Longing – To know that you are good.
So let’s conceptualize how a Type One might relate to food.
We live in a culture that highly regards self-control around diet and exercise, especially among women. We are bombarded by messages about gluten-free menus, “healthy” eating, and “clean” foods.
A vicious game of comparison is being played, and the one who eats “correctly” earns the most respect. The Core Fear of a Type One is being bad or wrong, so it is easy to get swept up into this game.
I have asked many of my clients, “If you perfectly followed all of the food and exercise rules in your head, how would you feel at the end of the day?” Many replied, “I would feel accomplished.” The idea of correctly following a set of rules supports many of their behaviors.
For someone whose deepest fear is being wrong and heartfelt longing to be good, our culture will reward them with a clear path; if you eat right, you will feel you are good, not bad, and everything will be OK.
The negative internal voice for a Type One who eats and exercises rigidly will chatter incessantly, “I may not always feel like I fit in, I may not feel normal, but I know that I am right and safe and good if I follow all of these rules.”
Finding Inner Peace Through Food
Let’s turn in a different direction. Nines are known as Peaceful Mediators. Beth McCord summarizes the Type Nine this way, “They are receptive to their environment and downplay their own presence. They can be loving, down-to-earth, modest, and trusting, or stubborn, lazy, and asleep to themselves.
The Core Motivations for a Nine are:
Core Fear – Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others.
Core Desire – Having inner stability and peace of mind.
Core Weakness – Sloth: Remaining in an unrealistic and idealistic world to keep the peace, remain easygoing, and not be disturbed by your anger; falling asleep to your passions, abilities, desires, needs, and worth by merging with others to keep peace and harmony.
Core Longing – To know that your presence matters.
You can see how different the types are in what motivations lie beneath the surface. Before I discuss how a Nine may struggle with an eating issue, let me be clear, I believe any Enneagram type can struggle with eating issues. A Nine may practice restrictive behaviors like the Type One described above; however, the motivations would be different. In this example, let’s consider how a Nine may use bingeing to cope with life.
There’s no getting around it; we live in a painful world. As a Nine, I hate to admit this. The Core Desire of a Nine, the thing that drives all behavior, is finding inner peace.
Finding peace of mind can be accomplished in many ways; a reliable car, a happy spouse, or spending time with friends. But the world always brings conflict; your car breaks down, you upset your partner, or friends are too busy to go to a movie. Feelings of futility, fear, and rejection are bound to happen.
When Nines experience negative emotions, the drive is to escape. To find some means of creating inner peace, even if it is a false, shallow, imitation of peace. A bowl of ice cream may do it. Maybe half a gallon will work even better.
Nines want to ignore the inner chaos because confronting it makes them feel inadequate. Often Nines don’t even know what they are feeling!
Many discover as young children that food can bring a sense of calm and escape. Sitting in bed, bingeing on sweets, and watching Netflix was likely invented by a Nine.
While following rules quiets the internal critic of a Type One, the emotional chaos of a Nine is lulled to sleep through means of escape, distraction, and self-medication like food, drink, sex, gambling, or shopping.
How the Enneagram Can Help with Food Issues
A unique feature of the Enneagram is that it is both descriptive and prescriptive. It both describes the motivations behind certain behaviors as well as prescribes the direction of health for each type.
Let’s reexamine the Type One from this perspective. When Type Ones are struggling, their commitment to rule-following hinders, rather than helps, their work, play, and relationships. The internal drive to do the right thing and have integrity makes it difficult to relax or bend the rules. This rigidity can seriously damage their health and relationships. I worked with one young woman who was so committed to “clean eating” that she had nearly eliminated everything from her diet except celery sticks.
So what does growth look like for a One? According to the Enneagram model, a maturing, healthy One will embrace the healthy aspects of a Seven becoming less critical and more self-accepting, optimistic, and relaxed. They learn when to bend the rule for the sake of trust and love.
At this point, you may be thinking this is rather obvious. Of course, someone who is self-critical needs to be more self-accepting! So how is the Enneagram helpful? For someone who desires to move past their fears and weaknesses, the Enneagram is both a guardrail and a map.
The Enneagram as a Guardrail
When you humbly seek to understand your Core Motivations, you have the opportunity to see how your struggles negatively impact yourself and others. Knowing this can drive you to ask for help and adjust before you drive into the ditch. In my experience, few things have been as helpful to me in understanding my motivations as the Enneagram.
The Enneagram as a Map
The Enneagram also offers a plan for growth. It paints a picture of what maturity and freedom may look like for you. As you become more familiar with the healthy aspects of your Type, you have the opportunity to take risks that benefit everyone around you. For example (not that I speak from experience), when a Nine feels overwhelmed and wants to retreat, he can be reminded that he will experience greater freedom by speaking up and taking action.
Where do I go from here?
Here are some practical steps for those who want help exploring their eating patterns:
- Identify the problem behaviors. Be specific. Do you count calories? All of them or just with certain foods? Do you only binge at night? In a particular location? When you do binge, is it fast, or do you take your time? As you identify specific patterns and themes in your behaviors, you will better understand what drives them.
- Identify what you feel before, during, and after the behaviors. Do you usually feel angry or anxious before using a behavior? What about during the behavior? Are you emotionally present while restricting, exercising, or bingeing? How does the practice make you feel during each stage of the cycle?
- Think about how you relate to food, exercise, and yourself as it relates to your personality (if you know your Enneagram type, this may be easier). Do your eating behaviors support some aspect of your personality, or do they seem to compensate for a perceived flaw?
- Explore alternative behaviors. For example, if you are using bingeing to escape and create a sense of safety, are there other, less destructive ways to create a sense of security?
- Learn about the growth arrows according to the Enneagram. If you are a Six, growth will move you toward the healthy aspects of a Nine. As you take steps in that direction, you may find greater freedom around food.
